








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 385 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 87 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2154 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,187 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1560 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1600 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1681 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1346 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $614,928 of utility $147 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 34 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Lishux | 42% | 12 |
| #10 | Coffee | 42% | 24 |
| #11 | Pholski | 38% | 13 |
| #12 | Yun | 38% | 13 |
| #13 | ZID | 33% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maxwelzy | 4 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | ZID | 4 | 0.0126 |
| #3 | Coffee | 3 | 0.0056 |
| #4 | Yun | 3 | 0.0109 |
| #5 | Virtuosa | 2 | 0.0052 |





