








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 891 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 85 matches | ||
| Faceit | 79 matches | ||
| Wingman | 73 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3857 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,199 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3182 | 28% |
| Smokes | 3243 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1547 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 3227 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $878,951 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 25 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dave--yeah | 73% | 30 |
| #2 | Jaihoo | 68% | 19 |
| #3 | illegal immigrant | 68% | 25 |
| #4 | aihara | 66% | 29 |
| #5 | SHINU | 65% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | SHINU | 65% | 23 |
| #6 | vinlind | 65% | 34 |
| #7 | aidan | 62% | 52 |
| #8 | p1aceho1der | 58% | 26 |
| #9 | Eluoh- | 53% | 217 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eluoh- | 6 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | dave--yeah | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | illegal immigrant | 1 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Jaihoo | 1 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eluoh- | 777 | 0.18 | 19 min |
| #2 | p1aceho1der | 116 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #3 | illegal immigrant | 94 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #4 | aidan | 81 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | SHINU | 80 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | !!!!!!!!!!!!! | +2.44 | 88 | 63 |
| #2 | illegal immigrant | +2.09 | 85 | 55 |
| #3 | SHINU | +1.14 | 60 | 62 |
| #4 | aihara | +0.44 | 72 | 57 |
| #5 | Jaihoo | +0.43 | 63 | 59 |





