








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 355 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1894 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,555 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 731 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1668 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 991 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1165 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,184,960 of utility $219 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 510 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Copper | 51% | 184 |
| #4 | Avesis | 46% | 26 |
| #5 | a moderate amount of sharks | 38% | 16 |
| #6 | Uni Cornelius [Trans Rights] | 35% | 23 |
| #7 | Serv•L | 21% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uni Cornelius [Trans Rights] | 10 | 0.0216 |
| #2 | Copper | 6 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Avesis | 3 | 0.0053 |
| #4 | Serv•L | 2 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | FLUTURDSHY_M2_LANISTER | 1 | 0.0016 |





