










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 120 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1207 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,441 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 142 | 6% |
| Smokes | 629 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1054 | 43% |
| Molotovs | 616 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,087,226 of utility $243 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 27 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PeeWeeJay | 16 | 0.0059 |
| #2 | aery | 15 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | Xilliam | 5 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | Gheos | 3 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | Dr. Chris Taub | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr. Chris Taub | 202 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #2 | Dechocolate | 196 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #3 | aery | 187 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #4 | PeeWeeJay | 185 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #5 | Gheos | 58 | 0.08 | 1 min |





