








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1020 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 107 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 89 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 74 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 37 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




134 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5181 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,082 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3530 | 21% |
| Smokes | 3457 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 5246 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 4849 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,516,618 of utility $132 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1180 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Blasphemy.Made.Fresh | 53% | 120 |
| #6 | $1 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 | 51% | 72 |
| #7 | Fluff | 49% | 47 |
| #8 | od | 43% | 40 |
| #9 | [WANK] real porn head #Fapaholix | 33% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [WANK] real porn head #Fapaholix | 22 | 0.0173 |
| #2 | cf2099 | 13 | 0.0087 |
| #3 | baby mikey #vibecurator | 5 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Blasphemy.Made.Fresh | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | stanwich | 3 | 0.0016 |





