








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2049 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1437 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 268 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




295 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
13151 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 27,473 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10132 | 37% |
| Smokes | 6904 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 4742 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 5695 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,881,997 of utility $115 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2680 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Tendy | 47% | 89 |
| #6 | Prodigy | 47% | 160 |
| #7 | tmntbro0 | 47% | 122 |
| #8 | Sweet Pea | 46% | 228 |
| #9 | k110 | 40% | 108 |





