








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 194 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 154 matches | ||
| Premier | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




53 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1192 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,741 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2681 | 47% |
| Smokes | 899 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 1471 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 690 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $635,533 of utility $110 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1569 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Cakeman | 40% | 247 |
| #5 | mellowfile | 39% | 99 |
| #6 | finalupdate | 38% | 92 |
| #7 | Bill | 36% | 61 |
| #8 | Cat | 19% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cakeman | 350 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #2 | Lynical | 247 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #3 | Bill | 97 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | finalupdate | 31 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #5 | mellowfile | 18 | 0.01 | 1 min |





