








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1136 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 189 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 64 matches | ||
| Esplay | 48 matches | 1,995 | |
| Faceit | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4992 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,744 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5390 | 39% |
| Smokes | 3068 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 2972 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2314 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $994,335 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1260 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lingon | 79% | 28 |
| #2 | Forsen666 | 72% | 58 |
| #3 | Carran | 67% | 36 |
| #4 | Stora P | 63% | 27 |
| #5 | Wracco | 59% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MRJ | 383 | 0.11 | 12 min |
| #2 | hlb | 327 | 0.24 | 8 min |
| #3 | tuikkanen | 144 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #4 | Carran | 131 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #5 | Forsen666 | 127 | 0.10 | 3 min |





