








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1327 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 425 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 133 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 160 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




191 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4640 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,887 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 490 | 6% |
| Smokes | 2244 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2761 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 2392 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,701,053 of utility $120 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4830 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cow | 59% | 68 |
| #2 | Nate | 56% | 48 |
| #3 | Lance | 49% | 70 |
| #4 | oohf | 48% | 54 |
| #5 | BunnehxX | 48% | 65 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BigDawg69 | 25 | 0.0177 |
| #2 | Trophypirate | 23 | 0.0053 |
| #3 | Lance | 16 | 0.0114 |
| #4 | Nate | 15 | 0.0146 |
| #5 | cow | 11 | 0.0076 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Trophypirate | 867 | 0.20 | 19 min |
| #2 | Majestic | 237 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #3 | Nate | 190 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #4 | Kneecap Warrior | 152 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #5 | Melted Icarus | 150 | 0.11 | 2 min |





