










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 94 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank |
|---|
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
152 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 712 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 441 | 62% |
| Smokes | 147 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 85 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 39 | 5% |
Our logs show you have wasted $23,387 of utility $58 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 41 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Brown Sugar | 100% | 3 |
| #2 | Chuggles | 57% | 7 |
| #3 | Farting McQueef | 50% | 4 |
| #4 | Patgrip | 50% | 6 |
| #5 | Wikboy | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chuggles | 5 | 0.0388 |
| #2 | Captain Killjoy's Buttplug | 4 | 0.0339 |
| #3 | Brown Sugar | 4 | 0.0656 |
| #4 | Farting McQueef | 3 | 0.0395 |
| #5 | Golf with no friends | 2 | 0.0106 |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Brown Sugar | +10.03 | 97 | 55 |
| #2 | Farting McQueef | +8.48 | 97 | 58 |
| #3 | Patgrip | +0.99 | 89 | 62 |
| #4 | Ainsley chariot | +0.59 | 88 | 64 |
| #5 | Chuggles | +0.54 | 80 | 36 |





