








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank |
|---|
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 5 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
137 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 295 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 82 | 28% |
| Smokes | 37 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 101 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 75 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $39,742 of utility $93 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Juxen | 50% | 10 |
| #2 | soggy wet towels | 43% | 14 |
| #3 | duck | 42% | 19 |
| #4 | Uncle Harriot | 39% | 18 |
| #5 | Schrödinger | 33% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | soggy wet towels | 43% | 14 |
| #3 | duck | 42% | 19 |
| #4 | Uncle Harriot | 39% | 18 |
| #5 | Schrödinger | 33% | 3 |
| #6 | Jerry | 33% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uncle Harriot | 3 | 0.0082 |
| #2 | soggy wet towels | 2 | 0.0071 |
| #3 | Juxen | 2 | 0.0103 |
| #4 | duck | 1 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Jerry | 1 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jerry | 49 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #2 | Juxen | 29 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| #3 | Uncle Harriot | 6 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #4 | soggy wet towels | 6 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #5 | duck | 3 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Juxen | +2.61 | 75 | 39 |
| #2 | kt | +0.68 | 61 | 33 |
| #3 | Uncle Harriot | -0.29 | 38 | 22 |
| #4 | Jerry | -1.11 | 8 | 53 |
| #5 | soggy wet towels | -2.08 | 54 | 33 |





