








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 69 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1697 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,690 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1828 | 39% |
| Smokes | 838 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 1476 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 548 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $240,718 of utility $78 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Relentless | 65% | 17 |
| #2 | Itz Squirrel | 56% | 9 |
| #3 | Apoc | 50% | 128 |
| #4 | Blackhawk | 49% | 102 |
| #5 | R3take | 48% | 84 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Apoc | 50% | 128 |
| #4 | Blackhawk | 49% | 102 |
| #5 | R3take | 48% | 84 |
| #6 | Checho | 47% | 43 |
| #7 | Cammy | 42% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Apoc | 8 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | Checho | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Blackhawk | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #4 | Relentless | 1 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | Itz Squirrel | 1 | 0.0049 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blackhawk | 139 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #2 | R3take | 124 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #3 | Apoc | 114 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #4 | Checho | 85 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | Relentless | 22 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Storm | +4.09 | 81 | 63 |
| #2 | Checho | +2.55 | 82 | 49 |
| #3 | Itz Squirrel | -0.29 | 67 | 72 |
| #4 | R3take | -1.36 | 66 | 54 |
| #5 | Blackhawk | -1.58 | 64 | 58 |





