








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 530 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 985 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 93 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




56 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8571 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 28,647 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5858 | 20% |
| Smokes | 6791 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 8442 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 7556 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,266,924 of utility $58 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1150 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | CrypticMythh | 41% | 117 |
| #8 | ✪ PorkieTheMajestic ✪ | 40% | 261 |
| #9 | Nitrodog | 34% | 219 |
| #10 | ⛧Earl ⛧of ⛧Lemongrab ⛧ | 32% | 132 |
| #11 | Katie_isa_Baby | 30% | 91 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nitrodog | 17 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | Noobles | 13 | 0.0099 |
| #3 | Nikki | 11 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | ✪ PorkieTheMajestic ✪ | 10 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | Jack_FragZ | 8 | 0.0029 |





