








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 35 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 22 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
341 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 912 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 171 | 19% |
| Smokes | 253 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 324 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 164 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $127,426 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vildmer | 62% | 29 |
| #2 | BIPPO | 61% | 18 |
| #3 | lessan | 60% | 5 |
| #4 | Flender *nicorette | 55% | 22 |
| #5 | aiz | 50% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | cactuscoach | 50% | 4 |
| #8 | Tigerhajen | 50% | 6 |
| #9 | McFresh+ | 47% | 15 |
| #10 | Keps | 44% | 9 |
| #11 | Magic Hudson | 17% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vildmer | 2 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | Keps | 2 | 0.0108 |
| #3 | Tigerhajen | 2 | 0.0152 |
| #4 | McFresh+ | 1 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | Magic Hudson | 1 | 0.0080 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vildmer | 57 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #2 | lessan | 26 | 0.26 | 1 min |
| #3 | Flender *nicorette | 23 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | McFresh+ | 22 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | Keps | 16 | 0.09 | 0 min |





