










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1270 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 206 matches | 2,027 |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 58 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2321 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,697 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2056 | 24% |
| Smokes | 2197 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2343 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2101 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $927,039 of utility $196 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 480 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZETTERBERG@ | 425 | 0.17 | 13 min |
| #2 | Klöver * ett -iwnl- | 252 | 0.21 | 8 min |
| #3 | Hubert Hubertsson | 138 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #4 | HolkeN | 88 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #5 | Julia Alina🌸 | 79 | 0.16 | 2 min |





