








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 63 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 70 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
871 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,280 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 977 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1072 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 410 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 821 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $423,952 of utility $164 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 139 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BUUESNOSDIAZBITCHEZZZ | 46% | 74 |
| #2 | GotMineAtHeinz | 42% | 26 |
| #3 | Mike Rotch | 37% | 79 |
| #4 | #PleaseStandBy | 8% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BUUESNOSDIAZBITCHEZZZ | 46% | 74 |
| #2 | GotMineAtHeinz | 42% | 26 |
| #3 | Mike Rotch | 37% | 79 |
| #4 | #PleaseStandBy | 8% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BUUESNOSDIAZBITCHEZZZ | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | Mike Rotch | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | GotMineAtHeinz | 1 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | #PleaseStandBy | 1 | 0.0037 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BUUESNOSDIAZBITCHEZZZ | 196 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #2 | Mike Rotch | 88 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #3 | GotMineAtHeinz | 32 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | #PleaseStandBy | 7 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mike Rotch | +0.57 | 53 | 38 |
| #2 | SmallEy3s | -0.35 | 43 | 47 |
| #3 | GotMineAtHeinz | -0.43 | 52 | 29 |
| #4 | BUUESNOSDIAZBITCHEZZZ | -1.13 | 46 | 53 |
| #5 | #PleaseStandBy | -4.55 | 22 | 29 |





