








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 58 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1078 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,804 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 844 | 30% |
| Smokes | 549 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 341 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 1070 | 38% |
Our logs show you have wasted $344,647 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Der Aveng3r | 59% | 100 |
| #2 | Alecks | 57% | 91 |
| #3 | pattifix | 55% | 116 |
| #4 | NeeTooX | 55% | 117 |
| #5 | Guntherder3te | 44% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Der Aveng3r | 59% | 100 |
| #2 | Alecks | 57% | 91 |
| #3 | pattifix | 55% | 116 |
| #4 | NeeTooX | 55% | 117 |
| #5 | Guntherder3te | 44% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pattifix | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | NeeTooX | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #3 | Der Aveng3r | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #4 | Alecks | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | Guntherder3te | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NeeTooX | 373 | 0.17 | 11 min |
| #2 | Alecks | 218 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #3 | Der Aveng3r | 109 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | pattifix | 99 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #5 | Guntherder3te | 40 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SirVile | +3.01 | 77 | 64 |
| #2 | NeeTooX | +2.97 | 79 | 71 |
| #3 | pattifix | +1.39 | 82 | 66 |
| #4 | Guntherder3te | -3.21 | 58 | 51 |
| #5 | Der Aveng3r | -3.59 | 50 | 47 |





