








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 764 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 247 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 187 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




91 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3945 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,913 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1398 | 13% |
| Smokes | 743 | 7% |
| HE Grenades | 4218 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 4554 | 42% |
Our logs show you have wasted $320,182 of utility $29 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1570 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | TotalMrsAlien | 46% | 504 |
| #4 | PlowHouse | 45% | 33 |
| #5 | Professional Fence Hopper | 45% | 173 |
| #6 | salat kronung | 44% | 151 |
| #7 | Caty | 42% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Professional Fence Hopper | 43 | 0.0129 |
| #2 | TotalMrsAlien | 25 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | Caty | 22 | 0.0202 |
| #4 | Marcus | 15 | 0.0036 |
| #5 | salat kronung | 7 | 0.0022 |





