








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 3258 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 359 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 178 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 123 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 118 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 81 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 34 matches | ||
| Faceit | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 13 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 296 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




344 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
15925 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 34,405 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9701 | 28% |
| Smokes | 7668 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 10333 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 6703 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,661,071 of utility $185 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2729 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -Adroit | 71% | 75 |
| #2 | Boot | 60% | 229 |
| #3 | Scarlos "Horndog" Schubert IV | 60% | 455 |
| #4 | Harold L Lemming | 58% | 213 |
| #5 | Ennis Del Mar | 53% | 132 |





