








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1800 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 371 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 54 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3197 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,648 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3732 | 35% |
| Smokes | 3724 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 1406 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 1786 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,841,935 of utility $220 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 419 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | blueyoshi | 58% | 124 |
| #2 | Jalon | 54% | 71 |
| #3 | Brody | 52% | 44 |
| #4 | Jakirk Jr | 48% | 62 |
| #5 | heyitsbrandoo | 44% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | blueyoshi | 58% | 124 |
| #2 | Jalon | 54% | 71 |
| #3 | Brody | 52% | 44 |
| #4 | Jakirk Jr | 48% | 62 |
| #5 | heyitsbrandoo | 44% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jakirk Jr | 7 | 0.0052 |
| #2 | Jalon | 6 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | heyitsbrandoo | 5 | 0.0044 |
| #4 | blueyoshi | 4 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | blueyoshi | 350 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #2 | Brody | 202 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #3 | Jalon | 167 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #4 | heyitsbrandoo | 127 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | Jakirk Jr | 32 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shmick | +1.36 | 62 | 61 |
| #2 | Jalon | +0.06 | 31 | 35 |
| #3 | Brody | -0.21 | 65 | 51 |
| #4 | heyitsbrandoo | -0.24 | 52 | 50 |
| #5 | blueyoshi | -0.38 | 40 | 54 |





