








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 46 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 5 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
99 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 243 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 76 | 31% |
| Smokes | 71 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 67 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 29 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $52,393 of utility $223 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Timbo | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | tom | 100% | 2 |
| #3 | And-3 | 80% | 5 |
| #4 | got worse... hhimself | 75% | 4 |
| #5 | McDaddyCringe | 67% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Saulery ☮ | 40 | 0.23 | 1 min |
| #2 | And-3 | 21 | 0.21 | 0 min |
| #3 | tom | 17 | 0.49 | 0 min |
| #4 | got worse... hhimself | 11 | 0.14 | 0 min |
| #5 | Sleeeeeepy Andy | 11 | 0.21 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Timbo | +8.92 | 71 | 54 |
| #2 | tom | +6.83 | 69 | 59 |
| #3 | got worse... hhimself | +5.14 | 76 | 64 |
| #4 | Spexx | +4.03 | 72 | 63 |
| #5 | Saulery ☮ | +1.56 | 88 | 79 |





