








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 100 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
828 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,635 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 851 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1207 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 680 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 897 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $210,229 of utility $61 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 17 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ghost Buster | 46% | 35 |
| #2 | COMMANDERxZANDER | 43% | 109 |
| #3 | Connection Error 404 | 40% | 10 |
| #4 | Deej | 39% | 61 |
| #5 | stezi | 38% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | COMMANDERxZANDER | 43% | 109 |
| #3 | Connection Error 404 | 40% | 10 |
| #4 | Deej | 39% | 61 |
| #5 | stezi | 38% | 16 |
| #6 | McNallianknight | 22% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | COMMANDERxZANDER | 16 | 0.0073 |
| #2 | Deej | 10 | 0.0085 |
| #3 | Ghost Buster | 2 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | stezi | 2 | 0.0057 |
| #5 | McNallianknight | 2 | 0.0113 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | COMMANDERxZANDER | 139 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #2 | Deej | 69 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #3 | Ghost Buster | 55 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #4 | stezi | 20 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #5 | McNallianknight | 6 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Deej | +4.95 | 68 | 50 |
| #2 | COMMANDERxZANDER | +1.03 | 46 | 49 |
| #3 | Ghost Buster | -0.33 | 50 | 34 |
| #4 | stezi | -0.35 | 39 | 34 |
| #5 | ®əª¶3Γ | -1.80 | 31 | 49 |





