








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 583 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 170 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2531 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,936 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2112 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1753 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1287 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1784 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,165,478 of utility $237 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 206 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spicy Wonton | 59% | 34 |
| #2 | Divadyugi | 58% | 12 |
| #3 | Newton | 46% | 221 |
| #4 | JY2 | 45% | 177 |
| #5 | jett | 44% | 144 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JY2 | 16 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | Newton | 14 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | jett | 11 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | Jalay | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Spicy Wonton | 2 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Newton | 579 | 0.13 | 11 min |
| #2 | jett | 510 | 0.17 | 12 min |
| #3 | JY2 | 477 | 0.13 | 13 min |
| #4 | Jalay | 172 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #5 | MKOlly | 71 | 0.07 | 2 min |





