








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 339 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 119 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1553 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,486 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2192 | 49% |
| Smokes | 1046 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 254 | 6% |
| Molotovs | 994 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $684,702 of utility $179 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 48 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Wimpan | 53% | 30 |
| #7 | 巴斯光年 | 52% | 147 |
| #8 | ♛ Glidgrabben ♛ | 45% | 33 |
| #9 | Dildozer | 41% | 32 |
| #10 | ٴ | 29% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 巴斯光年 | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #2 | ♛ Glidgrabben ♛ | 2 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | † | 2 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Dildozer | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Wimpan | 1 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 巴斯光年 | 573 | 0.19 | 16 min |
| #2 | ♛ Glidgrabben ♛ | 169 | 0.25 | 4 min |
| #3 | Dildozer | 124 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #4 | † | 68 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Wimpan | 61 | 0.11 | 2 min |





