








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 20 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Premier | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
444 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,812 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 543 | 30% |
| Smokes | 396 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 430 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 443 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $198,129 of utility $156 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 12 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Fluzz | 43% | 28 |
| #9 | maikal | 42% | 12 |
| #10 | C0dF1sh | 36% | 25 |
| #11 | ИyØИiRiS | 33% | 6 |
| #12 | Maybe NULL | 29% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | defrutas | 91 | 0.28 | 2 min |
| #2 | Fluzz | 79 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | ✘ Ϗ V I I 望 | 72 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #4 | C0dF1sh | 69 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #5 | maikal | 54 | 0.27 | 1 min |





