








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 449 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 374 matches | ||
| Faceit | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4243 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,640 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5001 | 30% |
| Smokes | 3517 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 4405 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 3717 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,253,601 of utility $129 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1201 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Blackaneese | 49% | 68 |
| #12 | Sữa ĐáĐĐỳ | 48% | 31 |
| #13 | Capt. JE$U$ [ #N1NjA ] | 48% | 25 |
| #14 | L1nk | 48% | 25 |
| #15 | PROPHETIC KITTEN | 46% | 46 |





