








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 194 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 39 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 4 different maps




Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
376 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,916 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 506 | 26% |
| Smokes | 566 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 505 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 339 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $284,611 of utility $220 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EEEDWIN | 157 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #2 | Le Alcaldish | 106 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #3 | seongjunan3690 | 66 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | [SPED] luca :3 | 47 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | Grassman | 18 | 0.04 | 1 min |





