








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 4 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
284 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 700 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 148 | 21% |
| Smokes | 64 | 9% |
| HE Grenades | 290 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 198 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $85,299 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 30 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | deftoads | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | No Zoltan? | 100% | 2 |
| #3 | Jeb #gamershot | 100% | 2 |
| #4 | Jak | 80% | 5 |
| #5 | max | 69% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Jak | 80% | 5 |
| #5 | max | 69% | 26 |
| #6 | airpod shotty | 64% | 11 |
| #7 | BiteSize | 0% | 3 |
| #8 | looksmaxxed ken carson | 0% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | looksmaxxed ken carson | 4 | 0.0435 |
| #2 | max | 3 | 0.0063 |
| #3 | airpod shotty | 1 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | BiteSize | 1 | 0.0156 |
| #5 | No Zoltan? | 1 | 0.0303 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | max | 112 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| #2 | Jeb #gamershot | 14 | 0.42 | 0 min |
| #3 | BiteSize | 12 | 0.19 | 0 min |
| #4 | deftoads | 12 | 0.36 | 0 min |
| #5 | No Zoltan? | 11 | 0.33 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | deftoads | +4.99 | 62 | 58 |
| #2 | max | +4.01 | 89 | 66 |
| #3 | BiteSize | +3.09 | 84 | 69 |
| #4 | Jak | +2.39 | 51 | 41 |
| #5 | looksmaxxed ken carson | +0.75 | 61 | 4 |





