








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 36 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 318 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 42 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2672 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,854 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2709 | 21% |
| Smokes | 3689 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 4272 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 2184 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,105,167 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 467 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FLYGARN | 56% | 50 |
| #2 | Fuckle Duck | 53% | 115 |
| #3 | Ron Jeremy | 53% | 57 |
| #4 | Aceeey | 49% | 346 |
| #5 | The guak gangster | 48% | 85 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Ron Jeremy | 53% | 57 |
| #4 | Aceeey | 49% | 346 |
| #5 | The guak gangster | 48% | 85 |
| #6 | Daniel Fritzl | 47% | 79 |
| #7 | DooZe | DRM | | 35% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Aceeey | 15 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | Fuckle Duck | 15 | 0.0059 |
| #3 | FLYGARN | 4 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | Ron Jeremy | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Daniel Fritzl | 2 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fuckle Duck | 667 | 0.26 | 21 min |
| #2 | Aceeey | 423 | 0.06 | 11 min |
| #3 | The guak gangster | 147 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #4 | FLYGARN | 120 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #5 | DooZe | DRM | | 56 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Aceeey | +3.02 | 72 | 49 |
| #2 | FLYGARN | +1.60 | 57 | 58 |
| #3 | The guak gangster | -0.59 | 62 | 57 |
| #4 | DooZe | DRM | | -0.75 | 60 | 57 |
| #5 | Fuckle Duck | -1.02 | 53 | 81 |





