








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 74 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 60 matches | ||
| Faceit | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1190 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,692 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1406 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1032 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1282 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 972 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $254,531 of utility $89 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 106 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Glibsu | 51% | 67 |
| #8 | Dan Crenshaw | 50% | 34 |
| #9 | viidakko_mies | 41% | 29 |
| #10 | Jumppapallero | 38% | 29 |
| #11 | £ l a | 25% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Glibsu | 231 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #2 | Dan Crenshaw | 74 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #3 | viidakko_mies | 62 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | tumpp11 | 51 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Jumppapallero | 50 | 0.07 | 1 min |





