










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 398 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 102 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1868 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,028 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2420 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2105 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1003 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 2500 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $964,177 of utility $185 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 264 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...





