








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 37 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 380 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3817 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,183 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5113 | 34% |
| Smokes | 3799 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 3084 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 3187 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,224,024 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1015 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Ali Olwan | 48% | 44 |
| #4 | Tortellini | 47% | 186 |
| #5 | NFOKillerBee | 45% | 44 |
| #6 | //colton | 45% | 31 |
| #7 | bonk 999 | 40% | 166 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sasquatch | 39 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | Tortellini | 13 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | bonk 999 | 9 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Ali Olwan | 6 | 0.0061 |
| #5 | NFOKillerBee | 5 | 0.0056 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sasquatch | 936 | 0.11 | 26 min |
| #2 | Tortellini | 498 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #3 | bonk 999 | 332 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #4 | Ali Olwan | 168 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #5 | NFOKillerBee | 72 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sasquatch | +3.06 | 87 | 68 |
| #2 | //colton | +0.11 | 50 | 58 |
| #3 | Tortellini | -0.89 | 69 | 49 |
| #4 | Ali Olwan | -1.25 | 65 | 56 |
| #5 | NFOKillerBee | -1.52 | 57 | 54 |





