








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 250 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 99 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 21 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2330 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,819 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 953 | 20% |
| Smokes | 1495 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1699 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 672 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $902,070 of utility $176 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 42 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GangstaHamsta | 57% | 14 |
| #2 | harrison | 55% | 206 |
| #3 | Cunt | 55% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GangstaHamsta | 57% | 14 |
| #2 | harrison | 55% | 206 |
| #3 | Cunt | 55% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | harrison | 14 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | Cunt | 5 | 0.0056 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | harrison | 858 | 0.21 | 23 min |
| #2 | Cunt | 41 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #3 | GangstaHamsta | 2 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | harrison | +3.11 | 63 | 57 |
| #2 | Cunt | +0.21 | 66 | 30 |
| #3 | Benoît | +0.16 | 67 | 46 |
| #4 | GangstaHamsta | -3.91 | 10 | 21 |





