








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 7 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
311 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 956 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 242 | 25% |
| Smokes | 258 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 232 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 224 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $129,536 of utility $120 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | coja | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | Ninygo | 60% | 5 |
| #3 | Saxon793 | 55% | 11 |
| #4 | coolyer | 55% | 11 |
| #5 | Anon558 | 50% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | coolyer | 55% | 11 |
| #5 | Anon558 | 50% | 8 |
| #6 | Sniffy Boi | 48% | 29 |
| #7 | StatuaryHalo | 33% | 3 |
| #8 | kylesauk | 0% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sniffy Boi | 2 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | coolyer | 1 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sniffy Boi | 118 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #2 | coolyer | 46 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #3 | Anon558 | 28 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #4 | coja | 19 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | Saxon793 | 10 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | coolyer | +7.30 | 86 | 61 |
| #2 | Sniffy Boi | +4.30 | 65 | 57 |
| #3 | coja | +3.46 | 79 | 68 |
| #4 | Oblight | -1.22 | 54 | 47 |
| #5 | Anon558 | -3.12 | 47 | 45 |





