








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1283 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 531 matches | ||
| Faceit | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 139 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6607 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 31,067 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8729 | 28% |
| Smokes | 8894 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 6982 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 6462 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $786,142 of utility $56 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 832 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ummm Anthony™ | 56% | 45 |
| #2 | SeaJay™ | 52% | 79 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ummm Anthony™ | 56% | 45 |
| #2 | SeaJay™ | 52% | 79 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SeaJay™ | 5 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | Ummm Anthony™ | 5 | 0.0049 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ummm Anthony™ | 257 | 0.25 | 6 min |
| #2 | SeaJay™ | 151 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | oweN | +1.22 | 66 | 73 |
| #2 | SeaJay™ | +1.21 | 61 | 52 |
| #3 | Ummm Anthony™ | -1.40 | 30 | 65 |





