








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 201 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 371 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2678 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,771 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3040 | 28% |
| Smokes | 3993 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 2020 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1718 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $958,220 of utility $103 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 189 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shogun | 43% | 37 |
| #2 | FBI-Chan | 43% | 117 |
| #3 | King-Ragnar | 43% | 54 |
| #4 | Patroklos Eikelhart | 41% | 136 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shogun | 43% | 37 |
| #2 | FBI-Chan | 43% | 117 |
| #3 | King-Ragnar | 43% | 54 |
| #4 | Patroklos Eikelhart | 41% | 136 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FBI-Chan | 19 | 0.0082 |
| #2 | Patroklos Eikelhart | 16 | 0.0058 |
| #3 | King-Ragnar | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Shogun | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FBI-Chan | 308 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #2 | Patroklos Eikelhart | 232 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #3 | Shogun | 200 | 0.26 | 3 min |
| #4 | King-Ragnar | 164 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FBI-Chan | +1.01 | 50 | 65 |
| #2 | Shogun | +0.96 | 48 | 55 |
| #3 | CrackDog | -0.52 | 25 | 55 |
| #4 | Patroklos Eikelhart | -2.26 | 20 | 40 |
| #5 | King-Ragnar | -2.28 | 29 | 56 |





