








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 609 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 274 matches | ||
| Premier | 255 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6012 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 33,868 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10899 | 32% |
| Smokes | 8137 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 8733 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 6099 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,383,635 of utility $100 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 859 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cookaloo | 56% | 43 |
| #2 | MaskedDamien | 50% | 479 |
| #3 | scrambledmeg | 36% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cookaloo | 56% | 43 |
| #2 | MaskedDamien | 50% | 479 |
| #3 | scrambledmeg | 36% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MaskedDamien | 15 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MaskedDamien | 1395 | 0.14 | 30 min |
| #2 | Cookaloo | 43 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #3 | scrambledmeg | 3 | 0.00 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MaskedDamien | +0.91 | 73 | 61 |
| #2 | dale | +0.25 | 73 | 77 |
| #3 | Cookaloo | -1.33 | 59 | 54 |
| #4 | scrambledmeg | -7.54 | 12 | 7 |





