








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 54 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Premier | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
931 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,036 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 707 | 23% |
| Smokes | 850 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 700 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 779 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $358,410 of utility $156 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 6 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Luuu | 88% | 8 |
| #2 | Tisto | 83% | 6 |
| #3 | Manky | 67% | 83 |
| #4 | chakas | 67% | 30 |
| #5 | zjr | 65% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Manky | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | chakas | 2 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | itsjoris | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | Zahak † | 1 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Manky | 319 | 0.18 | 8 min |
| #2 | itsjoris | 282 | 0.23 | 7 min |
| #3 | chakas | 106 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #4 | zjr | 52 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #5 | Luuu | 50 | 0.28 | 1 min |





