








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 326 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 148 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 70 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 39 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




97 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2648 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,269 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2156 | 18% |
| Smokes | 3267 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3395 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 3451 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,390,351 of utility $161 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 183 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Profesor Pavo | 48% | 126 |
| #8 | Yesteroff | 47% | 253 |
| #9 | Nejvozni | 45% | 67 |
| #10 | Smmogy | 45% | 83 |
| #11 | Raqon | 39% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yesteroff | 426 | 0.09 | 10 min |
| #2 | Abatu Khan | 230 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #3 | Nejvozni | 143 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #4 | Profesor Keba Kraba | 133 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | Profesor blveberry | 85 | 0.16 | 2 min |





