








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 23 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 63 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
637 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,922 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 440 | 15% |
| Smokes | 690 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1032 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 760 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $244,953 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | stinkin' Steve | 63% | 27 |
| #2 | Dirty Dörte | 56% | 41 |
| #3 | Lissa. | 53% | 19 |
| #4 | Käpt'n_Lauch | 48% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | stinkin' Steve | 63% | 27 |
| #2 | Dirty Dörte | 56% | 41 |
| #3 | Lissa. | 53% | 19 |
| #4 | Käpt'n_Lauch | 48% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Käpt'n_Lauch | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | stinkin' Steve | 1 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Lissa. | 1 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dirty Dörte | 113 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #2 | stinkin' Steve | 51 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #3 | Käpt'n_Lauch | 29 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #4 | Lissa. | 4 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | stinkin' Steve | +2.04 | 48 | 64 |
| #2 | Dirty Dörte | +0.74 | 42 | 59 |
| #3 | Lissa. | +0.38 | 41 | 59 |
| #4 | Käpt'n_Lauch | -0.71 | 54 | 40 |
| #5 | Boxter | -1.78 | 48 | 62 |





