








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 90 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 51 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
723 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,867 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 451 | 24% |
| Smokes | 566 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 419 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 431 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $300,253 of utility $164 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LANKKARI | 73% | 15 |
| #2 | EBBE | 55% | 42 |
| #3 | cr33py♿ | 50% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LANKKARI | 73% | 15 |
| #2 | EBBE | 55% | 42 |
| #3 | cr33py♿ | 50% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EBBE | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | cr33py♿ | 1 | 0.0077 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EBBE | 152 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #2 | cr33py♿ | 23 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #3 | LANKKARI | 9 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EBBE | +1.30 | 58 | 50 |
| #2 | LANKKARI | +0.17 | 55 | 51 |
| #3 | Moti♿Maker | -1.08 | 76 | 55 |
| #4 | cr33py♿ | -1.17 | 79 | 33 |





