








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 187 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 86 matches | ||
| Premier | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1296 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,528 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 839 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1209 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 721 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 759 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $447,786 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 213 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | uNCLE dUNCLE | 58% | 33 |
| #2 | Wrong Water Cow | 57% | 7 |
| #3 | 0liv3r1447 | 57% | 14 |
| #4 | HAFLA-G | 47% | 19 |
| #5 | Taggi | 47% | 98 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Taggi | 5 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | jhz | 2 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | HAFLA-G | 2 | 0.0053 |
| #4 | 0liv3r1447 | 2 | 0.0079 |
| #5 | uNCLE dUNCLE | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HAFLA-G | +3.44 | 74 | 54 |
| #2 | uNCLE dUNCLE | +1.50 | 69 | 69 |
| #3 | 0liv3r1447 | +0.67 | 84 | 56 |
| #4 | pagh | +0.08 | 52 | 52 |
| #5 | Wrong Water Cow | -0.29 | 48 | 71 |





