








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 53 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 54 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
751 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,804 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 807 | 29% |
| Smokes | 744 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 516 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 737 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $208,825 of utility $133 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 35 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Bensch | 50% | 62 |
| #6 | Jables | 50% | 70 |
| #7 | TRIIX | I got boosted to MGE | 48% | 56 |
| #8 | Vince | 40% | 25 |
| #9 | Clio | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bensch | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #2 | TRIIX | I got boosted to MGE | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | Vince | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TRIIX | I got boosted to MGE | 151 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #2 | Jables | 148 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #3 | Bensch | 118 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | Vince | 49 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Haaky | 31 | 0.04 | 0 min |





