








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 25 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 128 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1985 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,964 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 662 | 22% |
| Smokes | 988 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 1010 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 304 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $380,505 of utility $115 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MR. FUSSY | 88% | 8 |
| #2 | simoningi | 52% | 46 |
| #3 | ShotGun Jesus | 50% | 105 |
| #4 | Bulbi | 48% | 54 |
| #5 | starania | 41% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | simoningi | 52% | 46 |
| #3 | ShotGun Jesus | 50% | 105 |
| #4 | Bulbi | 48% | 54 |
| #5 | starania | 41% | 29 |
| #6 | Thorri | 23% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | simoningi | 8 | 0.0081 |
| #2 | ShotGun Jesus | 5 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | starania | 3 | 0.0048 |
| #4 | Bulbi | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | Thorri | 1 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | simoningi | 104 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #2 | ShotGun Jesus | 94 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #3 | starania | 71 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Bulbi | 37 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Thorri | 6 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Larry | +3.59 | 63 | 38 |
| #2 | simoningi | +2.57 | 68 | 57 |
| #3 | Thorri | -1.10 | 74 | 40 |
| #4 | MR. FUSSY | -2.12 | 51 | 25 |
| #5 | ShotGun Jesus | -2.58 | 42 | 33 |





