








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 183 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 159 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3842 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,251 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4811 | 26% |
| Smokes | 4436 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 4083 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 4921 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $813,600 of utility $89 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 64 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | stinkage | 63% | 137 |
| #2 | Blapsta | 60% | 43 |
| #3 | 🗲 Speed1e | 59% | 118 |
| #4 | Hazza | 58% | 388 |
| #5 | Slaut | 56% | 266 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | 🗲 Speed1e | 59% | 118 |
| #4 | Hazza | 58% | 388 |
| #5 | Slaut | 56% | 266 |
| #6 | OnSamander | 56% | 158 |
| #7 | rag | 50% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hazza | 20 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | Slaut | 13 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | stinkage | 12 | 0.0044 |
| #4 | 🗲 Speed1e | 10 | 0.0043 |
| #5 | OnSamander | 7 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hazza | 1405 | 0.18 | 46 min |
| #2 | Slaut | 798 | 0.15 | 21 min |
| #3 | stinkage | 346 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #4 | 🗲 Speed1e | 324 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| #5 | OnSamander | 290 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hazza | +2.50 | 80 | 78 |
| #2 | stinkage | +2.32 | 81 | 70 |
| #3 | OnSamander | +2.11 | 76 | 43 |
| #4 | PLUUG | +0.38 | 62 | 68 |
| #5 | Slaut | -0.45 | 73 | 61 |





