








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 87 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 95 matches | ||
| Premier | 93 matches | ||
| Wingman | 85 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 85 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 21 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




98 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7083 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,223 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5133 | 28% |
| Smokes | 6051 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 4169 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2870 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $519,474 of utility $40 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 332 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GrndWizrdMan | 67 | 0.0102 |
| #2 | CS2 Employee | 51 | 0.0052 |
| #3 | Gambit | Dosia | 19 | 0.0131 |
| #4 | DigitalDiarrhea | 17 | 0.0082 |
| #5 | Truffade Adder | 13 | 0.0051 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CS2 Employee | 1349 | 0.14 | 38 min |
| #2 | GrndWizrdMan | 493 | 0.08 | 13 min |
| #3 | Gambit | Dosia | 197 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #4 | Dr. DisregardHerAge | 111 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | DigitalDiarrhea | 87 | 0.04 | 2 min |





