








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 453 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 154 matches | ||
| Faceit | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3791 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,783 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2760 | 31% |
| Smokes | 2223 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1638 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 2162 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,065,131 of utility $152 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 512 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | otakujenkins | 52% | 21 |
| #10 | FinnMN | 52% | 132 |
| #11 | hemlock | 51% | 117 |
| #12 | nyuu | 49% | 80 |
| #13 | tay-k | 41% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hemlock | 11 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | jakobi | 5 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | VAMPW1NNER | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | cooper | 2 | 0.0004 |
| #5 | FinnMN | 2 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nyuu | 386 | 0.24 | 12 min |
| #2 | FinnMN | 383 | 0.14 | 10 min |
| #3 | cooper | 373 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #4 | jakobi | 320 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| #5 | hemlock | 202 | 0.08 | 5 min |





