








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 49 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Agency | 8 matches | ||
| Premier | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
494 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,654 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 544 | 33% |
| Smokes | 407 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 402 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 301 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $203,338 of utility $164 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BigOof | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | Eggy | 61% | 23 |
| #3 | Corvus Corax | 60% | 10 |
| #4 | Aulo | 55% | 40 |
| #5 | Banzai | 54% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Banzai | 3 | 0.0051 |
| #2 | Kristian ☛☚ | 3 | 0.0095 |
| #3 | Bell | 2 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | Aulo | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Banzai | 69 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #2 | Aulo | 60 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | Bell | 45 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | Kristian ☛☚ | 35 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | Eggy | 15 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BigOof | +3.47 | 86 | 56 |
| #2 | Aulo | +3.01 | 68 | 59 |
| #3 | Framer | +1.09 | 41 | 71 |
| #4 | Sobu | +0.65 | 55 | 53 |
| #5 | Eggy | +0.31 | 46 | 46 |





