








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 68 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 20 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
497 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,613 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 161 | 10% |
| Smokes | 485 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 430 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 537 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $261,255 of utility $191 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 26 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bonobo | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | prC | 75% | 4 |
| #3 | LeDude | 75% | 4 |
| #4 | Buscat | 64% | 28 |
| #5 | miese Zeiten | 60% | 10 |





