








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1143 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 659 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 58 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




45 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9880 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,393 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9923 | 44% |
| Smokes | 4762 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 3657 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 4051 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $787,177 of utility $42 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 779 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kop | 58% | 345 |
| #2 | ELA | 57% | 491 |
| #3 | Steel | 56% | 108 |
| #4 | !Flawless | 53% | 144 |
| #5 | Buster Scruggs | 53% | 252 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ELA | 46 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | Kop | 32 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | L0GN | 25 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Shinji Grindset | 18 | 0.0055 |
| #5 | Buster Scruggs | 17 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ELA | 2023 | 0.20 | 44 min |
| #2 | L0GN | 778 | 0.10 | 20 min |
| #3 | Steel | 519 | 0.23 | 12 min |
| #4 | Shinji Grindset | 403 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #5 | Kop | 325 | 0.05 | 6 min |





